If only I was..
by Jin Nori
Summary: What if Kaoru saw something that she wasn't meant to see and how will she deal with it. Please R+R
1. If only..

Well I guess my mood isn't that great today.  
I own nothing. And please R+R.. ^_^  
  
------------------------  
  
'If only..'   
  
'If only I was more then I am now.. Just a weak useless girl. Always   
needing help..'  
  
Kaoru cried even more..  
  
'I can't believe he...he'  
  
Standing up leaning on the wall, straggling to walk up right but failing  
to do so. She gave up, her body slowly sliding to the floor.  
  
'How could this happen?'  
'I'm a pretty, I'm smart..I know how to fight..but why?'  
  
She looked around the dojo no one was here 'I bet they wouldn't want to  
be near an ugly stupid girl who can't do anything right..'  
  
She placed her hands on her sides of her head trying to relax and get a hold of herself..  
  
"I can't believe even Tae my..bestfriend lied to me." Kaoru picked herself back up again.  
Successful this time manage to walk without the support of the thin waxed walls.  
  
"I shouldn't of followed them..Sano just came and left when they were far enough that I couldn't  
see..but Kenshin.."  
  
She entered her father's old room, everything was where it was when he was alive. Knowing exacty  
what she was doing opened one of her father's chest digging untill his room was very messy with   
dust and his old clothes everywhere. She stopped a happy yet sad face she had on pulling a small  
but sharp dagger out.  
  
She started cutting her arm watching the blood run on her arm and how red it was.  
  
Taking time just to feel pain she made herself feeling something other then the sadness that she  
wish was never there.  
"I miss doing this.." She whispered to herself as if she were showing a friend what she was doing.  
  
"They think I don't know..They think that I'm that stupid. I'm going to get some fish Kaoru-dono"  
Kaoru said in a mocking tone.  
"I know.." she placed the dagger on the ground and picked everything up placing it to the best to  
where it was before she moved everything.  
She took the dagger and sat down in her room grabbing a rag she never needed started to clean her  
blood off of it.  
"What am I going to do?" She asked the dagger. And as if the dagger replied she cut again and  
again  
trying to forget and push it out of her mind.  
Cleaned the dagger again and put it carefully under her pillow as if it was her childhood toy   
that could break if you handled it the wrong way.  
She cleaned her arms and wrapped them neatly. Sure it was painful but it helped her to forget   
but not to forgive.  
She went outside knowing that they'll be back any minute now but bored with just sitting she   
laid on the grass looking up to the sky.  
'If only..'  
She heard footsteps reaching towards the gate. 'How should I act?'  
'The same way I always do..I guess.'  
"Kaoru-dono what are you doing down there?"  
She looked up to him, his gi messed up his hair even more messy then usual more messy then when  
he left.  
"Nothing Kenshin" She stood up and put her smile on her face  
"So did you get any fish?"  
"Iie" She could see that he did want to tell her something in his eyes, but not what she hoped  
for nor dreamed about. But something she didn't want to know.  
"Thats alright anyway I already ate dinner since you took so long Kenshin." she walked back to   
her room.  
  
"Sano do you think she knows?" Kenshin said in his most lowest voice so that if Kaoru was there  
she couldn't hear what he said.  
"Iie, if she did wouldn't she be crying and screaming for you to leave? And just be glad Yahiko  
isn't here, he would of followed you."  
"I just don't like doing this Sano.."  
"But you can't help it,ne?"  
  
"Well I gotta go, later Kenshin"  
  
  
----  
Should I leave it at that? 


	2. ...I could wake up

Thanks ^_^  
  
I own nothing.  
  
-----  
  
If only I..could wake up  
  
Kenshin cooked breakfest making the air in the dojo smell of the food and hoped that it  
  
would wake Kaoru up.  
  
"Oi Kenshin!"  
  
"Smells good when can I eat it?"  
  
Sano now sitting on the ground looked like a puppy begging for food.  
  
"In a minute, let me wake Kaoru-dono up."  
  
Kenshin walked over to Kaoru's door, knocked on it three times. No answer.  
  
'She usually is up by this time of moring..maybe something went wrong?'  
  
"Kaoru-dono?"  
  
No answer.  
  
Kenshin slid the door open to find no one was in the room.  
  
Everything neat and nothing to show someone who wasn't or shouldn't be there had been.  
  
'If only..'  
  
Kaoru saw Sano eating all of what Kenshin had made.  
  
"Roster-head!"  
  
Sano almost chocked on his food he was inhaling  
  
"Che, Jou-chan you almost killed me."  
  
"Kaoru-dono!"  
  
Kenshin came back with a smile on his face happy knowing that she was alright.  
  
"Kenshin we need to talk about something.."  
  
Kaoru walked into the dojo not even sure herself what she had planned to say.  
  
Kenshin looked worried at Sano  
  
"Stay clam Kenshin she doesn't know."  
  
He could only nood  
  
"Hey trust me, have I ever let you down?"  
  
This time Kenshin had a really bad feeling in his gut.  
  
"What is it that you wanted to talk about Kaoru-dono?"  
  
Kaoru sat on the other side of Kenshin so she could face him.  
  
'I can't go threw with this..'  
  
'Mou! I can..'  
  
"Kenshin, please hear to what I have to say. Then ask your questions."  
  
"Kenshin there is a bond that holds everything together and without it everything breaks down  
  
everything falls apart. But when that bond is falsely in place other things are the outcome.  
  
Maybe not as bad as if it was broken completly but worse to the one who was at the other side of  
  
the truth."  
  
Kenshin's eyes went wide  
  
'She did know..'  
  
"I'm only telling you this so that you remember.it"  
  
Kaoru walked out of the dojo her eyes were cold and hard  
  
'Why am I not crying?' She looked at her hands.  
  
She opened the gate and walked out.  
  
"Sano! She knows!"  
  
"So whats the big deal? It's not like you said you loved her or anything. And this is the only week  
  
that you'll be able to get away with this since Yahiko isn't here. Five days Kenshin..Now be happy  
  
with what you can get."  
  
Sano left leaving the dojo to a lonely red headed baka.  
  
Kaoru found a place she liked, nearly walking for two hours it was perfect no one around and nothing  
  
to bother her.  
  
She took out her dagger and cut more smiling to the pain she felt.  
  
'If this is the only way I can put up with this life then so be it'  
  
She raised her arm  
  
Sadly her cuts were still there and it'll take a long time for them to heal and leave.  
  
'I wonder if he's going to see her again today?'  
  
She cut even more deeper  
  
As if it'll push it in the back of her mind so that way she'll forget..  
  
'If only I could wake up..' Kaoru told herself.  
  
"Hey Kenshin so did you go again?"  
  
"Hai, but Kaoru-dono isn't back yet."  
  
"Maybe she found someone else?"  
  
Kenshin's eyes went amber  
  
"Sorry there Kenshin..didn't mean to..I was just kidding!"  
  
Kenshin kept his eyes on Sano  
  
"Che, I'm leaving" walking the fast as he could  
  
'It's funny he can do it but she can't?' Sano thought as he walked home.  
  
Kaoru finally made it back to the dojo, she had been gone for seven hours  
  
'If I'm lucky he won't try to know to much..'  
  
"Would you like some dinner Kaoru-dono?"  
  
"No thanks."  
  
Kaoru hurried the best as she could to her room.  
  
'I have to forget..'  
  
She pulled her dagger out again  
  
--------  
  
Hows that? ^_^ 


	3. Who will DIE?! My note on the death..

Who said I was going to kill Kenshin? ^_^  
  
Will post in a few days..  
  
Still not sure what the outcome of this will be.   
  
And yes this will be deleted.   
I hate making my own notes on these things.  
  
Thanks! ^_^ 


	4. ....I could breathe

Thanks! ^_^  
  
I own nothing :P  
  
LOL I won't be killing Yahiko..  
  
And please r+r.  
  
--------------  
  
If only I....Could breathe.  
  
Kenshin awoke the next morning, it was still dark and the moonlight giving off it's last hours glow.  
  
'Where did Kaoru go? Maybe Sano's right she found someone..'  
  
He looked up to the moon to give him answers or to give him some type of message.  
  
"Kenshin I didn't think you'd be up!" She smiled  
  
"Tae-dono what are you doing here?"  
  
"To see you silly!"  
  
"Tae-dono I'll vist you later this afternoon.."  
  
Tae rested her head on Kenshin's chest, smiling and blushing she was very happy she hadn't been in  
  
a long while.  
  
"Alight Kenshin, but you promise to visit later so I'll be waiting."  
  
She kissed him and walked off to who knows where at that time in the moring.  
  
'What have I done?'  
  
He looked up back to the moon  
  
'Like what Kaoru was saying..that if the bond if broken things will fall apart. and if it's hold up by a  
  
false bond then it'll hurt even more.'  
  
'But to who will it hurt?'  
  
Kaoru woke up crying and trying to forget the reason as to why she had.  
  
Whipeing her tears away  
  
'I better get a eary start I don't want to run into Sano or Kenshin..'  
  
Kaoru quckly changed her clothes and steped out of the dojo and went to th gate  
  
"Kaoru-dono?"  
  
She froze  
  
'Why is he up at this hour?'  
  
"Morning Kenshin."  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"For a walk.."  
  
Kaoru opend the gate and left.  
  
'Please don't let him follow me..'  
  
"Do you mind if Sessha joins you?"  
  
"Yes Kenshin I do mind, now please go back to the dojo."  
  
Kaoru kept walking she walked even more this time and made sure that he didn't follow her.  
  
'Mou..I really can't go on like this..these walks are killing me.'  
  
She pulled the dagger out, her arms were all cut up.  
  
So she started cutting her legs the parts no one ever saw.  
  
'If only..I could breathe.'  
  
Her mind said..  
  
"Jou-chan??" Sano's wide eyes went to see what Kaoru was doing  
  
Kaoru's eyes as well went wide  
  
"What the fuck do you think your doing?!"  
  
"I'm doing nothing! As if you would care Sano!"  
  
"Damn right I care! I'm taking you to see kitsune!"  
  
Sano picked up and carried Kaoru the whole way to see Megumi.  
  
'Great now I get to hear what she says..Kenshin probably was with her to'  
  
It had been hours since Sano first saw Kaoru and now they made it, Sano not saying another word  
  
to Kaoru since then.  
  
"Oi!!Kitsune!!"  
  
This isn't the day Kaoru had in mind..  
  
---------  
  
How is it? ^_^ 


	5. ..I could commit sucide

Please R+R ^_^  
  
I own nothing.  
  
---  
  
If only I could..commit sucide.  
  
  
  
Megumi examined Kaoru's arms and her leg's from all her cuts.  
  
"What could drive you to do this?"  
  
"You wouldn't believe me." Kaoru's eyes were filled with unshed tears that weren't falling onto  
  
her face.  
  
"Try me." Megumi's face was full of curiosity and a tab of jealously but she did care about Kaoru,  
  
maybe not the best friend type but still cared none less.  
  
"I..I saw Kenshin..with Tae."  
  
"Masaka!"  
  
"Iie Megumi, it is.."  
  
Megumi's heart had been broken once again by the same man. Last time it was easy to deal with since  
  
she had her revenge by teasing Kaoru, but she didn't know Tae well enough.  
  
"But I thought he loved you.." her voice hardly above a whisper  
  
"Megumi..I..I still love Kenshin. And I don't want him to leave..but I can always see what I saw so  
  
clearly ever time I see him.....I see that."  
  
She held her bloody cut up arm to her  
  
"This is how I forget.."  
  
"Kaoru that isn't healthy. And I can't let you continue to do this to yourself."  
  
"What am I suppose to do? Act as if it wasn't going on? What?"  
  
"I don't know Kaoru.."  
  
Megumi treated Kaoru's cuts wrapping them so she couldn't cut them again.  
  
Sano waited outside to get an answer why she did this..  
  
"You may leave Kaoru, please don't do this. I can't stop you but please this is a decision you will  
  
have to make by you alone."  
  
Megumi handed Kaoru her dagger  
  
'But why?' Kaoru's eyes were wide  
  
'Did Megumi really hate me that much? Or was she tying to help..?'  
  
She stepped out and glanced around  
  
'Yep there he is..stupid Roster head..he's even helping Kenshin with his affair'  
  
"Jou-chan do you know worried Kenshin will be about you?"  
  
"I don't care right now Sano."  
  
She left before Sano could follow or say anything  
  
Kaoru left back to the dojo.  
  
Very windy not rain wind but the wind that's almost prefect.  
  
Almost..  
  
'I hope Megumi doesn't tell Sano..'  
  
'Mou! These things itch' She rubbed her hand on them feeling the cuts reopen up and once again  
  
the freedom the pain came back.  
  
'There has to be something else I can do then cut..'  
  
Kaoru looked to the sunset how beautiful it was, her eyes watered.  
  
'Look at me crying over a sunset..'  
  
Then she heard something..Wishing that she hadn't.  
  
"Kenshin..please.." She sounded as if she was in great pleasure?  
  
'oh no..' Karou's stomach ached..  
  
'Great luck I have.. Now I get to see Kenshin and Tae..'  
  
"Are you sure your ready?" Kenshin's husky voice was clear  
  
"hai.." She whispered..  
  
A few moments later a screamed filled the air.  
  
Kaoru couldn't take anymore she tired to but lost in the end and she threw up..  
  
'I can't live like this..'  
  
She cleaned herself and went to the dojo, avoiding that part of the way back as best she could.  
  
'Well I'm alone..what a surprise'  
  
She grabbed her dagger, amazed that Megumi didn't take it from her.  
  
She placed it to where her heart is..  
  
  
  
'Ok in the count of three..'  
  
  
  
'one'  
  
  
  
'two'  
  
  
  
'three'  
  
.....  
  
  
  
But she couldn't do it. She just couldn't do it..  
  
  
  
'If only I could..commit suicide.'  
  
---  
  
Hows that? ^_^ 


	6. I could...end this

Please r+r ^_^  
  
I own nothing.  
  
I'm being nice..two chapters in one day.  
  
Nameless- Don't worry I'll think of something good for Kaoru but as for right now..I have to go on with this. But less depress? ^_^ Maybe..in a few chapters.  
  
Thanks again.  
  
----  
  
If only I could...end this..  
  
  
  
Kaoru collapsed on the ground crying.  
  
Weeping as if the world was going to end and she'd be the only one to survive.  
  
'I can't be like this..'  
  
'I cannot allow myself to become this weak..'  
  
Struggling to pick herself back up could only go so far and sat there on the edge of the dojo, her  
  
feet not  
  
reaching the ground.  
  
'It's night time..'  
  
She heard her stomach rumble  
  
'I hadn't eaten in days..'  
  
Kaoru heard someone walking to the gate..Now in her yard.  
  
She couldn't see her vision was just a blur to her.  
  
"Dare?" she could barely hear her own voice.  
  
No she wasn't scared.  
  
Just tired.  
  
"Kaoru-dono."  
  
"oh. hi Kenshin."  
  
Kenshin's face sadden, 'she didn't even seem happy to see me.'  
  
"Have you had dinner yet Kaoru-dono?"  
  
"hai."  
  
'Why won't she talk to me. Sano told me that she didn't know but had a weird feeling something  
  
was off.'  
  
'Tae-dono has said that she hadn't talked to Kaoru in weeks.'  
  
'Just put on that smiling mask..'  
  
Kaoru put her best smile and turned to Kenshin  
  
"I'm just tired, I walked for most of the day. Thats all."  
  
She turned her face a way as if she were disgusted with him, even to have him sit next to her!  
  
'please make him go away..'  
  
Her silent tears fell next to her  
  
'please..kami..make him go..'  
  
She stood up and walked to her room and tired to sleep from all the nightmares her life pulge her.  
  
'If only I could..end this'  
  
Kenshin confused at what happend. He and Kaoru used to be able to talk about anything.  
  
'What has happened to all of us?'  
  
"Kenshin!!"  
  
"Tae-dono.."  
  
"I know I know you told me not to visit you here at the dojo. But I couldn't help it."  
  
"Tae-dono.."  
  
"Kenshin..could we....ano?" She was blushing more then anyone could ever think a normal person  
  
could.  
  
He smiled, nooded and carried him to his room.  
  
'OK..I can't live like this..'  
  
Kaoru heard another whimpered coming from where Kenshin's room was.  
  
'Well I could act..' A smile formed on her lips.  
  
She walked so quietly to the source of the sounds, making sure of one thing:she had the thing that  
  
could cause the most pain.  
  
Kaoru could see two forms one- she knew was Kenshin's the other was smaller it could of been  
  
anyone but the voice gave it away.  
  
'So he let her in my dojo..'  
  
"Kenshin!" Tae's pleas for Kenshin her cry more out of desperation then anything else.  
  
"Shh..Tae-dono..just a little bit more.."  
  
'Just a little bit more and she'll be there..little bit more.' His hands were like a madman with only one  
  
goal..  
  
Right there Kenshin's door slide open  
  
Kenshin looked at the form at his door..  
  
His eyes went wide with fear..  
  
'Kuso..'  
  
Anger..Anger rose from her from unknown parts that seemed to be never capable of what  
  
she was about to do.  
  
She screamed and stabbed Tae again and again..  
  
blood everywhere..  
  
stained with blood.  
  
Her hands now stained with blood..  
  
"Kaoru-dono.." Kenshin was numb, couldn't move.  
  
Frozen.  
  
' But when that bond is falsely in place other things are the outcome.  
  
Maybe not as bad as if it was broken completely but worse to the one who was at the other side of  
  
the truth.'  
  
---  
  
Hows it? ^_^ 


	7. No more....

I own nothing. ^_^  
  
Please r+r  
  
And sorry no. That was not a dream. And most of your questions will be answered in this chapter.  
  
This is a angst fanfiction, that is why it's mark to show you that. It is depressing for some. But if I could  
  
I would of made it even more depressing that it already is.  
  
No I'm not done yet.  
  
I'm tired of seeing Kaoru do nothing..I am a K+K person. But if you don't change things around after  
  
a while it gets boring. then you get sick of it.  
  
Yes Kenshin is a grown man, and loves Kaoru. And Kaoru loves Kenshin..  
  
But should I really let Kenshin get away with doing that to Kaoru with her best friend?  
  
Would that be fair for Kaoru just to forgive him and forget the whole thing ever happend?  
  
This is just a fanfic a depressing angst alt pairing one. Yeah I know..some people can't even read them  
  
because they can't stand it.  
  
I couldn't also. But please be open to whatever you read. If it's a Kenshin x Kaoru or a Kenshin x Tomoe  
  
or even a Kaoru x Sano and a Kenshin x Sano. Be open.  
  
Thanks again to everyone. And please R+R.  
  
---------  
  
I killed Tae..  
  
  
  
Kenshin knew he had to do something to stop Kaoru before Tae loss all of her blood and could even  
  
die.  
  
He grabbed her arms and forbid to close his eyes.  
  
Tae not able to move anymore, pale like the moon.  
  
Coughed her last fight to breathe the air which was  
  
filling with liquid.  
  
"Ken..shin..."  
  
and she passed out.  
  
His eyes went wide..  
  
'Kaoru had killed her..'  
  
Thats when he finally noticed Kaoru was longer in the room with him and Tae's corpse.  
  
"Gomen Tae-dono.."He pulled her limped body and embraced her.  
  
"What Do you mean this was a payment?!" Megumi screamed with throwing everything and  
  
anything at Sano.  
  
"Che, just like I said, Tae told me if she got to have one date with him my tab would be paid off."  
  
"And Kenshin agreed to this?!"  
  
"Why not? Not like he's getting anything from Jou-chan.."  
  
Slapped hard, all of Megumi's patients were shocked. It wasn't like anyone could ignore the fight  
  
between a kitsune and a roster-head.  
  
'I can't believe I did that..'  
  
Ran, ran as far as her legs could take.  
  
Knowing very well Kenshin might be after her..Maybe not even as Kenshin..but as the amber eyed  
  
killer.  
  
'Maybe I could stay with Megumi..'  
  
She stopped, cleaning herself off as well.  
  
Knowing full well she couldn't hide the blood or the fresh smell of it off her.  
  
All the patients were starring thinking and wishpering that maybe Kaoru was rapped.  
  
All that blood could only mean that they also whispered.  
  
Each taking a step back to move away from her, nervous on how to act with this matter.  
  
She finally made it to Megumi's door.  
  
Before she step in she could hear Sano's and Megumi's argument.  
  
She stood in the door way trying to get away with all she could, picking up each information.  
  
"It's not like Kenshin is in love with her.."  
  
"So he's just using her for his own.. Kaoru!"  
  
"Jou-chan?! What the hell happened to you?"  
  
She stood there, the blood all over her, hair a mess then could ever be and her face red from  
  
her run.  
  
'For some reason..I feel more free then I had in so long..'  
  
Walked in front of both so no other could hear what was going to be said.  
  
Her lips formed a smile before she could answer with all her happiness in her voice  
  
Then she answered as if this was the best day she ever had  
  
sounding so sweetly, so innocent, and content with herself.  
  
"I killed Tae..."  
  
------  
  
How's that? ^_^ 


	8. ..I could smile.

Thanks ^_^  
  
Please R+R  
  
Yeah..kinda made Kaoru go crazy last chapter didn't I? LOL  
  
Sorry about that.  
  
Reason why Kaoru was so happy is, because she killed the one who she thought had Kenshin's love.  
  
Trina Kamiya:Your going to kill me because you don't agree with this fanfic? I can write an alt ending  
  
and email it to you if you'd like.  
  
Zackire: You want me to kill Sano now? LOL  
  
Macy: When Did I ever put that it was a K+K Fic? But it's great drama, you aren't crazy for smiling after  
  
reading that part. I was laughing after I wrote it. Maybe I'm the crazy one?  
  
Kaoru-chan: Thats a good idea, it would be fun to write that. But It'll take me too long to write it.  
  
no.99 : correct both did something wrong,but I'm not going to kill Kaoru just because she killed Tae.  
  
Nameless: It was going to be one date thing then it became something more.  
  
Miyu Sakura: This is my first fanfiction, I'm getting better at this but I'm still not that great. Maybe later  
  
on I will rewrite it to have a greater background for everyone to understand this.  
  
Minakokiss: Angst is always good. ^_^  
  
I think thats about it..If not review and I'll answer it next time.  
  
Thanks.  
  
Now on to the chapter..  
  
---  
  
If only I could..Smile  
  
  
  
"Kaoru no.."  
  
Megumi's hands dropped a vase which only minutes ago was aimed for Sano's head.  
  
Sano couldn't do anything but his mind was working a million miles per hour.  
  
"Jou-chan? Are you serious?" But there wasn't anything to prove him wrong he was more or less  
  
asking to make sure he was wrong but in a sicking way he knew that wasn't going to happen this time.  
  
"Hai." She answered.  
  
"Oh Kaoru..how..how did it happened?"  
  
"He brought her over to the dojo. I mean I wouldn't of done anything if he had done it somewhere else  
  
then two rooms down from MY room.."  
  
'So she really did know..and this is my fault.'  
  
He was going to the door to go for an escape of any kind..more like the kind sake could give. Just  
  
anything to get this feeling of making Kaoru into a killer Tae being killed and knowing that kitsune  
  
would  
  
be upset at him for a very..very..long time.  
  
'aww..hell everything will work out somehow. Kenshin and Kaoru will be happy..Me and kitsune will  
  
live happy, and Yahiko and that girl will be happy too..'  
  
"And where do you think you're going?" Megumi asked with a very pissed off tone and a swift hit to  
  
the head knocked him out.  
  
No fox ears popped up and no laugh..just silence.  
  
'I have to get to Kaoru before she does anything else..' Kenshin ran thinking and knowing that Kaoru  
  
would be there.  
  
"If only I could smile.." Kaoru said in a whisper.  
  
"But you were smiling."  
  
"No a real smile Megumi.."  
  
More silence entered the room, both lost in there worlds and behinde a mask which is barely holding  
  
anymore.  
  
"Megumi do you have anything that I can wear, I can't stand wearing this anymore?"  
  
Nodded and handed her while pointing to wear as to where she could change.  
  
"Arigato."  
  
She saw a form she'd hope she wouldn't of, coming closer.  
  
'I better get these people out of here..'  
  
Megumi asked everyone to please leave and that she had to take care of something.  
  
"Megumi-dono, where is Kaoru-dono?"  
  
"Don't you Dare ever come near her Kenshin!! If you do I'll do everything in my power to stop you."  
  
'So Kaoru really is here how else would she know?'  
  
"What is it Kenshin?" Came from the next room.  
  
"Kaoru-dono! Sessha can explain!"  
  
"Here you are trying to make it up to me while Tae's dead, did you even love her?!"  
  
"Iie.." Shaking his head "Please Kaoru-dono it would be wise if we could talk this out.."  
  
"Then you were using her?!"  
  
Silent.  
  
No answer.  
  
Her anger couldn't be helped anymore.  
  
"Damnit Kenshin! Do you know how selfish you are! And you expect me to forgive you?!"  
  
He just stood there, his hair covering his eyes.  
  
No answer..still.  
  
'What am I going to do? I can't stay here..I mean people would say things..and how Tae was at my  
  
dojo when she was killed..'  
  
She just gave up, not caring what Kenshin was saying. Stepping on Sano's head and finally out  
  
away from him.  
  
Megumi yelling at Kenshin, Kenshin trying to talk over her, and Sano leaveing to get sake.  
  
She just started walking..  
  
Nowhere as her destination.  
  
"Kaoru-dono where are you going?"  
  
"Please Kenshin..try to understand this..Sano is now going crazy, Megumi is actually nice and you..  
  
you made me a killer. Oh what a poor helpless wonderer! Tell Megumi to take care of Yahiko for me  
  
if you can get her to hear what your telling her."  
  
"What do you mean? Won't you be here to train and raise Yahiko to be a good man?"  
  
"I'm not his mother, Kenshin."  
  
  
  
She walked in front facing eyes to eyes.  
  
"Sayonara"  
  
And left.  
  
  
  
-----  
  
Nope..this isn't over yet.  
  
Hows that? ^_^ 


	9. Start? Or End Game?

Should I show you how it all started?  
  
  
How Tae got th idea in her head.  
  
What made Sano ask Kenshin..  
  
And what did Kaoru really see.  
  
And things that'll explain why they did that or didn't.  
  
um..Should I do that?   
  
Please R+R   
  
^_^ 


	10. I never asked to be alone.

Since I believe I should of done this in the first place, I'm sorry I didn't.  
  
But this will be how this all began then after that shows how it ended. No this isn't one  
  
chapter short. But it shows the life of the Kenshin-gumi before this all happened.  
  
And no Kenshin or Kaoru nor anyone else can go back in time and fix it..I know someone  
might think of that one..  
  
Ano Onna Oji: I don't think I'd make Kenshin into a Stalker..But you just gave me an idea if  
I were to write another fanfic.  
  
Nameless: I think I was in a better mood when I wrote that chapter..Thats why it wasn't so  
depressing. ^_^  
  
bobdloe: It's R for itself.  
  
Lei: I got the idea by...um.. I don't remember..  
  
Sweet one: What do you think I should type when Kaoru saw Kenshin?   
  
Okay..the 'Real' Chapter one.  
  
  
----  
  
'I never asked to be alone..'  
  
  
  
"This is the last time Sano!!"  
  
"Aww..come on Tae, admit that you had fun that the party I threw here."  
  
"I did, But that doesn't mean I'm the one whose going to pay for it!"  
  
"Come Tae just put it on my Tab. I promise to pay you back. "  
  
"What if you don't?"  
  
"Well then I'll let you decide on what you want me to do..I'll do anything."  
  
"Come back in a few days Sano and I'll let you know.."  
  
Sano left happy as can be..Knowing that Tae's wish would be something stupid and he'd do  
it less then a few hours.  
  
"Hi Tae."  
  
"Hi Kaoru, How have things between you and Kenshin?"  
  
Tae always asked this.  
  
In a drained with a slight tone of doubtful voice, "Nowhere Tae."  
  
"I'm sorry Kaoru." Not in a cheerful voice but one that just asks automatically, knowing  
her answer already but asking just to be sure.  
  
"To be in love with someone who loves you, who takes care of you. To be there with you.   
  
No matter what you did. And to express your feelings with the person..That's what I want Tae."  
  
"But everything I do..I end up nowhere." Kaoru wasn't crying but near.  
  
Biting her lower lip awaiting Tae's response.  
  
"I'm sorry Kaoru, it's been two years hasn't it? And still nothing."  
  
"He just sends me mix messages.."  
  
"Do you think he loves you?"  
  
" I...I don't know."  
  
Tae smiled, the kind of smile to say that everything will work out somehow.  
  
"Arigato Tae, I have to go back to the dojo. I'll visit tomorrow."  
  
"No problem Kaoru, no problem at all." Her voice did have that fake happy sound to it.  
  
But nothing that worried Kaoru, she knew that Tae will tell her the problem tomorrow.  
  
'I wonder why Kenshin hasn't made any moves with Kaoru yet..'  
  
Sitting down her restaurant that had been closed.  
  
'How come Kaoru gets everything? While I have to work for every dime I have, and all she does  
  
is teach and she only has one student..Why does she get all the friends?'  
  
Feeling time to clean up her tea she was drinking with Kaoru.  
  
'She'll get married to Kenshin before I even meet anyone that's half a man in her loop of  
friends..  
  
She doesn't think that I get lonely? She hardly visits anymore.'  
  
Picking up some papers that were on the ground and not able to hold it in any longer she cried.  
  
  
'I never asked to be alone..'  
  
---  
  
Remember I'm doing this so it won't be confusing in the chapters that I wrote already..  
  
Please R+R  
  
I don't think this was depressing.. So be happy. ^_^ 


	11. No matter how much..it'll be free.

Please R+R  
  
Own nothing.  
  
Me: I'm sorry but she is a killer..I can't change it nor can I fake it.  
  
Omochi: I know..But Tae wants Kaoru's life. She's tired of living hers.  
  
I'm sorry it took so long, but I lost this chapter in my disk and on my computer, I just found it.  
  
and 'It all started with those notes' Will be updated later this week I think?  
  
  
  
---  
  
  
  
'No matter how much Sake you drink..it'll be free.'  
  
  
  
Sano noticing that the lights were off, so he went back home.  
  
"It'll be something stupid. But I sware if they try to dress me up.." He put his two fist together as if  
  
he'd use them.  
  
"or I'd have to buy all kinds of things for her and break my back...But then I get to see Kitsune."  
  
"Hell why can't I see her now? I do have something she should look at.."  
  
He walked off into her direction.  
  
"Hey Busu! I'll be gone for a week!"  
  
"Where do you think you're going Yahiko-CHAN!?"  
  
"Don't Call me Chan, Busu!!"  
  
Even in the middle of the night..they still bicker at each other.  
  
"Oro!!" As Yahiko ran past Kenshin and making Kaoru running right into him.  
  
Both tired and both getting annoyed by Yahiko. Kenshin had a better handle of his feelings..  
  
But Kaoru was another story.  
  
"You'll get it when I get you!! Yahiko-CHAN!!!"  
  
Until finally..the fight was over.  
  
Each going into their own rooms, saying goodnight.  
  
'I remember when I couldn't handle things..I'd.' She push the thought of doing that again in the  
  
back of her mind.  
  
'I have Kenshin now..I don't need that anymore.' she rolled over to he side.  
  
'Even if father made sure I didn't know where it was..I still knew.'  
  
Smiling untill the night took her into her dreams.  
  
Kenshin sat up, he couldn't sleep.. 'I know something is going to happen.'  
  
Trying to ignore it, the feeling he got.  
  
he put his head back down. But not able to sleep, just trying to get past the feeling..  
  
Sano running to meet up with Tae. He wanted this day to be over with already..  
  
"I know she wants something stupid.." He muttered as he ran.  
  
"Oi Tae! What do you want me to do?"  
  
"Good Morning Sano!"  
  
He felt a shiver, whatever she had planned he was not going to like it.  
  
"Spit it out Tae.."  
  
"Sano..I don't want to be alone anymore."  
  
"Well I could slove that..eh eh.."  
  
"Not that way you hentai!"  
  
'But why does Kaoru be the lucky one? Getting everything she wants..and wanted..'  
  
Sano backing away from the face Tae was making..  
  
'Ok so it wasn't as stupid as I thought it would be..But harder then shit to do..'  
  
'Now or never Tae..ask him..Live like her for one day.'  
  
"Sano, I told you if you do this for me..your Tab will be no more."  
  
Looking directly into his eyes..  
  
"Just one date with Kenshin. And your tab will be no more.. How about that you'l never have to pay  
  
for anything again. no matter how much sake you drink, it'll be free."  
  
She smiled.  
  
Knowing Sano would do anything to have this kind of deal.  
  
But the look on his face..was of mere shock.  
  
"But..Jou-chan?"  
  
---  
  
Hows it?  
  
^_^ 


	12. I only did it because..

Please R+R  
  
Like it has been stated before..This is only a fanfiction.  
  
Mrs. Kenshin Himura: Thanks for your review. ^_^  
  
Nameless: You aren't that bad. LOL  
  
Fivi: Oh? you hate me? Who Cares! I told you and people like yourself, if you don't like different things then don't bother to read this. And besides it's only a fic. You don't have to get all worked up about it. It's very child like to just run and say 'I hate you!' Just because you don't agree with them. Are you like that in real life? Always closed minded to things that are different? Well since your a K+K fan and since you also 'hate' me... EVERYONE NEXT CHAPTER HAS YAOI IN IT!! ^_^  
  
And don't think I'm joking..I already wrote it. If you acted a little different and made any kind of effort to talk to me about this I would have changed the ending into something happy..  
  
  
  
---  
  
  
  
'I'm sorry Kaoru...I'm only going to do this to shut Sano up.'  
  
  
  
"I know." She said somberly.  
  
"I..I have to think about it Tae."  
  
"Be back before tomorrow.."  
  
He back a way quickly.  
  
Now walking back to his place..  
  
Nice wind, happy wind.  
  
A wind that would promise a better tomorrow..  
  
And his foolish heart believed it.  
  
"Well..sake..Jou-chan..sake..Jou-chan..." He said raising his left then right hands.  
  
not able to make the choice bewteen the two, sitting on a large rock.  
  
"Okay..If I roll anything above an 4 then I'll pick Jou-chan..if anything below Tae."  
  
He rolled  
  
'I really hope it's a six..'  
  
the dice stopped.  
  
2.  
  
"Well sake it is then.."  
  
Walking into the direction of where he thought Kenshin would be of this time of day.  
  
There he was..fishing.  
  
'Damnit I must of missed lunch.'  
  
"Hey Kenshin!" He waved walking up to him smiling.  
  
'Don't look too happy..He'll know I'm up to something..'  
  
He put his arm around Kenshin's neck  
  
"Hey..Kenshin..I gotta ask you somethin."  
  
"I don't have any money to give you today Sano. Kaoru-dono is working extra just to get rice this  
  
week."  
  
His gaze more onto the water, no fishes biting.  
  
"It's not that Kenshin.." Sano whispered into his ear.  
  
He couldn't bare to say what he had to, he knew Kenshin loved Kaoru. But not getting anywhere.  
  
Kenshin's eyes bugged out.  
  
"Orooooooo?!?!?!" falling down into the river.  
  
"Well that wasn't as hard as I thought he'd take it."  
  
"Be ready by 6:30 Kenshin! Thanks, Ja!"  
  
Time rolled on and afternoon turned into evening.  
  
"Hey Jou-chan! Kenshin and I are going to go fishing, since I made him fall into the river. We'll be  
  
back soon!" Sano left dragging Kenshin by his gi.  
  
Kaoru stood there watching them leave. 'Sano looks as if he yelling at Kenshin about something..'  
  
She walked more into the dojo, sitting drinking her tea.  
  
Enjoying the silence which doesn't happen anymore.  
  
Finishing her third cup, now it was late. Even for getting fish..  
  
"Maybe something happened to them?" She went outside to wait for them.  
  
"If only it wasn't so quiet here I wouldn't be so nervous.." Her mind went into the mode where  
  
when Kenshin would leave and never come back. Playing different things which could happen to take  
  
him away again.  
  
Fourty minutes later there was Kenshin, he had a long..very long night.  
  
Sano yelling and talking him into going on a date with Tae.  
  
He'd only said yes to make Sano leave him alone.  
  
He smiled, 'She waited for me.'  
  
Kaoru was sleeping mouth wide open with some drool dropping out.  
  
He picked her up and carried her to her room.  
  
'I'm sorry Kaoru...I'm only going to do this to shut Sano up.'  
  
He walked to his room, tomorrow was going to be a long day.  
  
---  
  
Hows it? ^_^  
  
If you notice it's becoming more into Kaoru's POV.  
  
Which before was Sano's and Tae's.  
  
A little Kenshin..but he gets his own chapter to think about stuff.. Not the next one tho.  
  
Next Time!  
  
YAOI!!! Even if everyone knows what the pair going to be..it still adds drama. 


	13. Wrong time wrong person..What were you t...

I want to thank my beta-reader..^_^  
  
Please R+R  
  
Fivi: Just because I don't write it doesn't mean I don't like it. Kaoru  
will be happy at the end. So by saying your a 100% Kaoru fan means that  
you also hate Tomoe?  
I know I'm weird, but the thing I don't understand why do you get so  
mad at a fanfic? Thats just what it is..And if you don't like a story  
then don't read it, why waste your time? If you want to talk about this  
more then email me. If you wish just to waste more time by reviewing   
then go ahead.  
  
Okay.. Thats over with. ^_^  
  
  
  
---------  
  
"What the Hell?!"  
  
  
Kenshin made lunch. It was just too quiet here.   
  
'Yahiko would have been fighting with Kaoru by now'   
  
He smiled and set the food outside. Kaoru was   
  
practicing and didn't want anyone to bother her   
  
right now.   
  
"Oi!!! Kenshin!"   
  
He smiled and looked up, noticing that he arrived on time today.   
  
Sano picked up his plate then ate Kaoru's food.   
  
"Thanks! Oh and Kenshin...we need to talk about   
  
tonight." He yanked on Kenshin's gi again.   
  
"Jou-chan!! We'll be back!!" He shouted hoping she   
  
heard him.   
  
Sano started to make some suggestions, "Okay, I want you to wear something different. And that hair needs a change. Maybe a cut?   
  
"ORO!?!"   
  
Sano went on talking... and talking...and talking...   
  
Until he noticed a funny look on Kenshin's face...   
  
"Hey Kenshin! Kenshin? Aren't you even listening to   
  
me?"   
  
Kenshin leaned over closer to Sano   
  
'What the Hell does he think he's doing!?!"   
  
The two were just looking into the others eyes, Sano   
  
happy that they were the same purplish color.   
  
'Ok... He's just trying to scare me... and it's working!!'   
  
Kenshin leaned over more and kissed Sano.   
  
Sano on the other hand went wide-eyed.   
  
'What the Fuck?! Doesn't he love Jou-chan?!'   
  
---   
  
How's that? ^_^   
  
Review Time!  
This is a very twisted Fanfic isn't it? ^_^  
Don't worry it'll be a little more in time then not so much.  
This has become a Kenshin X Kaoru.. Kenshin x Tae and now..   
Kenshin x Sano and a Sano x Megumi.  
Since I don't feel like dealing with Yahiko he's off somewhere for  
a week. Where? I don't know.  
And don't worry Kaoru will be happy at the end. ^_^  
  
And please read and Review my other story 'It all started with those   
notes' It's um..different, and no there won't be a Tae in it.  
  
^_^ 


	14. ...I hadn't left the dojo!!

I'm rushing to get this part over with and so I can get to the last chapters.  
  
Only reason for last chapter was to get people mad. And they did. ^_^  
  
Yes the yaoi was a dream of Sano's. ^_^  
  
LOL People think I'm abnormal? What is normal anyway? I'm just a crazy person with a computer.  
  
  
  
Kaoru breathed in the morning air, she knew today was going to be one of her best her had.  
  
She looked to the sky how blue it was, how the happy birds sang.  
  
There was a scream, mixed with every emotion with it.  
  
'For some reason it reminds be of Sano....'  
  
"Kaoru-dono?" He smiled, he was checking up on her.  
  
"How did you sleep?"  
  
"I slept fine Kenshin."  
  
Another scream was heard.  
  
And it was getting closer to the dojo.  
  
The gate opened with a very pissed off Sano walking towards them.  
  
"Kenshin! Don't you ever! EVER Get into my dreams AGAIN!!"  
  
He screamed again.  
  
"Oro?"  
  
"Don't you fucking 'Oro' ME! I bet it was Captain Sagara telling me to stay away from you! THAT HAS  
  
TO BE IT!!"  
  
"Clam down Sano..."  
  
"I couldn't even sleep last night! I couldn't even get any money! I couldn't even get any sake!"  
  
'Just the thought of Kenshin...Kissing me!' He wanted to puke again.  
  
"Oi! I forgot...Kenshin you gotta help me with this project I'm doing."  
  
And before Kenshin could say no that he'd changed his mind Sano cut in saying "Thanks! I'll be  
  
Seeing you at 6, Ja!!"  
  
"That was weird..."  
  
"Kaoru-dono, would you like for me to prepare your bath?"  
  
"That would be nice Kenshin."  
  
'See the day is going to be alright..even if Sano has lost it.'  
  
Kenshin left for the meeting, Sano was talking but kept stopping, as if he was waiting for something  
  
To happen.  
  
"Ya know Kenshin, maybe you should just go like that?"  
  
"That was my plan..."  
  
"Well make it good Kenshin! And I'll throw a party on me!" He said laughing.  
  
But he knew that dream changed his friendship with Kenshin. He didn't want a stupid dream  
  
To tell him how to act, but it seemed real...  
  
'It's later then usual....'  
  
'Maybe he got into a fight?'  
  
'Maybe Megumi has him?'  
  
'Maybe he got lost? No..He wouldn't get lost.'  
  
'Maybe he left?'  
  
Kaoru got tired of waiting, she didn't like that this has been occurring more then once in the past few  
  
Days.  
  
She left the dojo.  
  
'Maybe he went to eat something?'  
  
'Yeah that's it, he didn't feel like cooking and maybe he that was what he was talking about before he left.'  
  
She smiled, happy that she knew he hadn't left.  
  
'See I knew today was going to be good! Maybe he has a surprise for me? Or maybe he's going to ask me on a date?!'  
  
She left off to where they always ate.  
  
The Akabeko!  
  
'Well he left with Sanosuke so I have to find him then find Kenshin.'  
  
She stepped in, looking around. Glancing to see where the Rooster-head was.  
  
Then everything stopped.  
  
She saw him, first talking...  
  
'There friends that's alright....'  
  
She saw them laughing...  
  
'There friends that's alright....'  
  
Then she saw Kenshin kiss her.  
  
Her eyes filled with tears...  
  
'Friends don't kiss friends..me and Kenshin never even kissed..Me and Kenshin haven't even  
  
Been here alone....'  
  
They both stood up with each others hands laughing and smiling.  
  
She couldn't bear any of this...  
  
She left, running.  
  
'If only I hadn't left the dojo....'  
  
"All went well Kenshin! Tae's happy! I'm free! And Kaoru didn't find out!"  
  
Sanosuke turned his gaze to his friend.  
  
"It'll all be fine, don't worry."  
  
'Kenshin still doesn't look…well…He doesn't look Kenshin like.'  
  
'Maybe more like something else..?'  
  
"Well Captain Sagara I hope your right about this…"  
  
  
  
  
  
Well that's done. ^_^  
  
This also shows why Sano doesn't seem to help or care for Kenshin in later chapters. 


	15. A sorry that came to late! Please read t...

Well I'm sorry for ignoring this story for such a long time!  
  
I'm rewriting this, and it'll be a lot better, and have a plot!  
  
So please read that one and tell me what you think!  
  
Thanks. 


End file.
